now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
