if you like me you must not know who I am
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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