u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
