I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
