I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
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Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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