I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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