she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
