My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
People in love make me want to vomit
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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