We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
