i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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