I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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