My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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