i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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