You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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