one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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