my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
