sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
