i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize