He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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