worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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