how can u be prego again
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
