doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
