No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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