i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize