Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
