Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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