Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
