24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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