oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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