dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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