Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
