i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
