Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
