I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
