i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
