so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
