I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
