Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
