I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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