eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
