so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
