I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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