My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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