she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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