You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
