so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
