where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
