I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
