I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
