Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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