Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
