i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
