Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You pole danced in your parka.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
