i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
