my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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