I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
