Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
