I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
