U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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