I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
