On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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