the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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