That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
