i just had sex bonerless
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
