he thought i was a dude.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
