Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
