Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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