At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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