babies were throwing up all over the place
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
