i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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