belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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