Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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