apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
